All along, I had been expecting some kind of “Big Bang” type of reaction. I resented the trip so deeply and yet, despite the months of foreboding, it had not yet “hit” me. I was still waiting for some sort of physical manifestation of my ambivalence about this trip, like a quake in my knees that would send me toppling to the ground, or something – anything! I wanted to be shocked! To be surprised! Where were my fireworks?!